I was at the gym tonight, working out… and this song came on…
WAIT! HOLD UP! Who is this woman??!!
Yes. I was working out. I go twice a week to work with a trainer and do some cardio on my own afterwards. A year ago, it was Physical Therapy, cold packs, acupuncture, and massage, trying to rehab my knee. Then surgery and recovery in March, April and May. And joining a gym in June.
Before that… I NEVER went to the gym. My “exercise” was the occasional walk around the neighborhood, intensive weekend yard work, and cleaning my house. And leaping to conclusions.
So yes. It’s bizarre, unreal, and words I didn’t think I would ever say (let alone blog about) but I’m working out twice a week. Back to my blog post…
I was on the cool-down portion of the treadmill during my cardio time, and this song started. As the treadmill deceased in speed and incline, I listened intently to the words. It was surreal.
My day ended on a downer of a note. For reasons I can’t go into, I was not happy with a specific decision. I made it to my car before the tears started falling.
Over and over I asked God, WHY? WHY? WHY???
It felt very isolating. Very frustrating. I did not feel heard. I did not feel validated for my expertise. And… yeah. I didn’t feel like God noticed or cared.
I put it “on the back burner” and dried my tears (because… driving) and headed off to work out. I didn’t want to, but knew I needed to expend some energy and burn off some of my frustration with whatever was in store for me.*
The words reminded me… God is there. All along. With me. With you. In those impossible moments of WHYS? God’s Goodness is still there.
I’m still mad. I’m still frustrated. But I’m walking this one in the Spirit’s embrace, with more awareness and peace. OK, sometimes stumbling and then throwing things… but walking.
May it encourage you.
*In case you’re interested:
- Clean, jerk and press (10 pounds, I’m a wimp!)
- TRX work out for curls and lunges.
- Medicine ball slams and planks.
- 45 minutes of cardio on the treadmill, bike and elliptical