Breakfast on the Beach

Breakfast on the Beach
A sermon for the People of God
at Bethesda United Church of Christ
April 28, 2019
Rev. Deborah Vaughn, BCC

John 21:1-14
1 After these things Jesus showed himself again to the disciples by the Sea of Tiberias; and he showed himself in this way. Gathered there together were Simon Peter, Thomas called the Twin, Nathanael of Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zebedee, and two others of his disciples. Simon Peter said to them, “I am going fishing.” They said to him, “We will go with you.” They went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing.

Just after daybreak, Jesus stood on the beach; but the disciples did not know that it was Jesus. Jesus said to them, “Children, you have no fish, have you?” They answered him, “No.” He said to them, “Cast the net to the right side of the boat, and you will find some.” So they cast it, and now they were not able to haul it in because there were so many fish. That disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on some clothes, for he was naked, and jumped into the sea. But the other disciples came in the boat, dragging the net full of fish, for they were not far from the land, only about a hundred yards off.

When they had gone ashore, they saw a charcoal fire there, with fish on it, and bread. 10 Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish that you have just caught.” 11 So Simon Peter went aboard and hauled the net ashore, full of large fish, a hundred fifty-three of them; and though there were so many, the net was not torn. 12 Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” Now none of the disciples dared to ask him, “Who are you?” because they knew it was the Lord. 13 Jesus came and took the bread and gave it to them, and did the same with the fish. 14 This was now the third time that Jesus appeared to the disciples after he was raised from the dead.


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A shrimp boat off the coast of South Carolina. (Much bigger than the Galilean boats!)

Thank you for the warm welcome. Thank you, Valerie and choir, for leading us in praise and worship. It is good to be back here on a day like this, full of joy and celebration!

When Pastor Dee mentioned that this was “Bright Sunday,” I pondered what post-Resurrection story brought me the most smiles. I tried to think — what Eastertide scripture portion brings in the most joy and love – after all, we are not remembering a funeral! We are resurrection people! This vignette from the end of the Gospel of John just makes me smile. A fishing story to end ALL fish stories.

Fishermen love to talk about the one that got away. Or the one that was THIS big. It might have been a minnow on the hook, but it was a WHALE by the time the tale is finished.

It reminds me of the story of a man who went off to do some fishing one weekend. He had absolutely no luck. Zero. None. Nada. About half way home, he sees a fish market, and he stops and says to the owner, “hey, throw me four of those medium sized rainbow trout.” The owner says, “throw them? Why?” The man says, “Well, at least that way, I can say I caught them.”
But wait… there’s more…  
The owner says, “Oh, is your name Jim? And is your wife’s name Cathy?” Puzzled, the man answers, “yes…” the owner responded, “Ok then, Cathy called. She wants you to bring home salmon instead.”
Ba-bum-bum…

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Photo Credit: “Sea of Galilee (Kinneret; Lake Tiberius)”, © 2018 Gary Todd, Flickr | PD-CC0 | via Wylio

We know that Peter, Andrew, James and John were all fisherman when they were called to be one of Jesus’ followers. In the Gospel of Luke, chapter 5, we can read about Jesus showing up on the shores of the Sea of Galilee, and inviting the four to become “fishers of people.” You remember the story? They had been fishing all night, and Jesus told them to row out into deeper water, and drop their nets yet again.

Bless Simon Peter! He probably could have used a lot saltier language but he said, “Master, we have worked all night long, but have caught nothing. Yet if you say so, I will let down the nets.” Can you hear the eye roll? IF YOU SAY SO…

You remember what happens next? They catch so many fish that their nets begin to break, their boats began to sink, and they had to be rescued by other boats to help haul in the catch.

You would think with such as auspicious beginning that they would remember…Not just this event, but the other miracles that Jesus did. But, apparently not.

After the risen Jesus appeared to the disciples in Jerusalem, in Matthew’s version anyway, Jesus told them to go ahead to Galilee, and he would meet them there. We do not have a time stamp, but it was probably a few weeks later when this morning’s Scripture took place.

How do we know this? It’s about 184 km or 114 miles from Jerusalem to Galilee. That is about 5 days of hard walking. Not a leisurely stroll. But because, in all likelihood, it wasn’t just “11 bros” going fishing, but their whole families and households, it was probably a two week hike, with a stop for the Sabbath. It was an intentional journey, not a casual whim.

They walked home. Walked. Probably still confused. Still debating what really happened. Just like us – you have 11 eye witnesses, and that means there are 15 versions of what happened – not to mention the debates about what it all means!
Did you see? Thomas stuck his HAND in Jesus’ side?
Mary said there was an angel!
Yeah, but the guards said there was an earthquake…

The disciples, the men and women who followed Jesus, were real people. They argued. They cried. They got tired. They got people-sick. They defended Jesus… and then denied Jesus. I think that they went home, perhaps to find answers, perhaps just to be rejuvenated by the smells and foods and sounds of home.

While we know that they traveled with Jesus all over, we don’t know how long it had been since they were home.  Have you ever journeyed back to your old school, your old neighborhood, maybe back to see family, and realize you are not the same? You don’t quite fit any more… but it’s all you know.

I think they were “disciples of amnesia.”
They had forgotten all that they had seen while traveling with Jesus. They had forgotten the improbable results. The unlikely people who would be followers of Christ.
They fell back into their old habits, their old haunts, their old occupations. They were tempted by the same old problems.

It’s like those of us who are enthusiastic gardeners and get all excited the first warm weekend of Spring. We go to the big box stores and see the baby tomato plants… and we forget that last frost is still coming. And those plants will surely die in the first cold night they are outside. Amnesia!

The disciples had amnesia.

In this morning’s passage, we hear words that are familiar from the passage I referenced earlier in Luke:

“You have no fish, have you?”

“NOooooo.” Now – I would bet – they had a few choice words more than just “NOooooo.”

But…

Nevertheless, when Jesus told them to cast the net on the other side of the boat, they did… and there were “so many fish!” And that was what jolted them out of their amnesia.

It took this huge, amazing, miraculous catch for them to do a double take and for “the disciple whom Jesus loved” (that is, JOHN), to realize that wasn’t just some kibbutzer standing on the shoreline – it was Jesus!

And Peter, bless him, was so excited that he jumped overboard and swam to the beach. John thought we needed to know that Peter fished in the buff and had to first put clothes on before he swam to shore. Ok then.

But… hear me… It took a miracle at daybreak, when they were tired, sore, and probably very frustrated, to FINALLY listen. And then to witness, with their own eyes, Jesus’ abundant gifts to them – “153 fish” – (I wonder – did someone COUNT them? John… apparently!)

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Photo Credit: “catch, onjal-machhiwad”, © 2011 nevil zaveri, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

When God invites us to breakfast on the beach… what waits for us is the abundant, overwhelming, satisfying, compassionate love of God.

Jesus didn’t chastise or scold. He didn’t say, “Now didn’t I tell you to go to Galilee? I don’t remember saying ANYTHING about fishing.” Jesus used this extraordinary circumstance to remind them of the extraordinary, over-the-top, welcoming love of God.

Friends… maybe you… like me… are not exactly receptive to the suggestions of our friends and families when we are tired and disgusted and frustrated. When we are exhausted. When our best-laid plans don’t pan out.

Maybe you… like me… are really only receptive to help when we realize we are standing there with empty hands and an empty net. Maybe you… like me… are jolted out of our amnesia to remember…

God’s faithfulness
God’s compassion
God’s people willing to show love and mercy
God’s abundant provision

As Karoline Lewis says, “The resurrected Christ will be seen in displays of abundance. The ascended Christ will be known when his disciples establish opportunities to experience abundant grace.”[1]

Not “just enough” but an ABUNDANCE! Not just a token expression of God’s love, but an ABUNDANCE!

Abundant joy.
Abundant grace.
Abundant hope.

Cast out your nets.
See what God is waiting to do through you – through Bethesda UCC – through your homes – through your places of work.
Your nets will overflow.
Thanks be to God!

[1]Lewis, Karoline. John. Fortress Biblical Preaching Commentary.© 2014, Minneapolis, MN. Fortress Press. p.255

In Thy Packing and Thy Unpacking…

 

In thy packing, and thy unpacking,
God is there.

In thy sorting, and thy disposing,
God is there.

In the questioning and the waiting,
God is there.

Despite aching muscles, tender hearts, hurtful words, and self-doubts,
God is there.

Though I struggle, wonder, and rest in the uncertainty,
God is there.

When I am hurt, tired, frustrated, or just plain DONE…
God is there.

Book Review: A Gracious Heresy

A Gracious Heresy: The Queer Calling of an Unlikely Prophet, by Connie L Tuttle.

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Any of us who have ever argued with the Divine over a persistent, unyielding Call to ministry will see ourselves in Connie Tuttle’s story. She honestly shares the journey from discovery to living out her Call. Only one problem: as a lesbian, every time she reached a milestone, she had to fight the same battles for understanding and full inclusion.

A lesser person would have quit, or turned her back on God. Connie took on the full frontal assault of her identity and her love for God. She dealt with the society-imposed shaming of her sexual identity. From the co-ed who wouldn’t ride in an elevator with her, to the fellow seminarian who informed her she was going to hell for being a lesbian, Connie walked the road with faithfulness and determination.

Tuttle’s writing is honest, thoughtful, provocative and real. Her words are from her heart, one that fully trusts, hopes and believes in the Call of God. On more than one occasion, as she faced opposition, she had to decide: was her faith one that followed rules and sought to be pious? Or was she someone who had a call to justice, and sought to be righteous? Over and over, she chose: “I want to be righteous!” Integrity and authenticity shaped her responses.

Her journey encompasses many of the hurdles familiar to seminarians and clergy: getting through seminary, facing ordination boards and faculty committees, finding a summer internship, and coping with the self-learning (and tears) in CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education.) She grappled with how her identity would be and could be a part of her pastoral formation. Oh, and yes, as a single mom, balanced, home, classes, and parenting.

While Presbyterians (PCUSA) now affirm and ordain women and individuals of all gender identities, at the time when she graduated, it was not even a remote possibility. Even so, as Tuttle continues to love and care for the people God has called her to as a pastor, she reminds us all to tell our stories.

And Connie’s story, full of love and grace, is one you should read. One day, I look forward meeting her, because I suspect we will enjoy many laughs and share the heartaches of our ongoing journeys, compelled to serve the Divine.


A Gracious Heresy: The Queer Calling of an Unlikely Prophet, by Connie L. Tuttle. Eugene, OR: Resource Publications, 2018. Paperback: 195 pages. ISBN-13: 9781532655722.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I was provided this book without cost from the publisher and was not required to give a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

Book Review: We Pray With Her

9781501869709_CVR_FinalLayout.inddI sat down with this book of prayers on a sleeting and windy afternoon. I had a lot on my mind, and turned to the Table of Contents. There was exactly the prayer I needed: Prayer for the Courage to Speak Out Against Misconduct. I was stunned and moved to tears. Who could have known??

As I paged through this small volume, I found several other prayers that touched a chord, either in remembering challenges in ministry or parenting, or in moments of celebration and joy. I was encouraged. I felt bolstered in facing a difficult “dragon” ahead of me that day.

In the Foreword, Rev. Ginger E. Gaines-Cirelli captured my sentiments:

“…for anyone who has been in a place of pain, grief, stress, or challenge and had a community truly holding you in prayer, you know that the prayers and loving thoughts of others have a mysterious way of buoying your life through the storm.” (p. ix)

This book celebrates the journeys of women: leaders, CEOs, day laborers, moms, politicians, reach and poor. It celebrates her significance and her worth in the eyes of the Divine. There are devotions and heart-felt prayers on each topic, clustered under Call, Struggles, Courage, Resistance and Persistence.

I picked up this volume several times over the last month, and each time there seemed to be a gentle word from the Spirit just for my situation. The compassion and wisdom in these pages were real, down-to-earth and honest. This was not a theological exercise. This is a book for tending your heart and relationship with the Almighty.

I believe there is a word for every woman, regardless of her situation. Words that will affirm, and bless. I am grateful that the editors brought these writers together — for our growth and for God’s kin-dom. They are pastors, chaplains, professors, elders, deacons and some still in-process. I recommend this book to you!

GIVEAWAY!!! If you would like a copy of this book – please make a comment below with your address and why you would like the book. (NOTE: I will not publish the comments! But if you want the book, you’ll need to give me your address!) I’ll have a drawing and some lucky woman (or man who wants to encourage a woman in his life) will win it.


We Pray With Her: Encouragement for All Women Who Lead. Edited by Emily Peck-McClain, Danyelle Trexler, Jen Tyler, J. Paige Boyer and Shannon Sullivan. Nashville: Abingdon Press, 2018. Paperback: 242 pages. ISBN-13: 9781501869709.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I was provided this book without cost from the publisher and was not required to give a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

The Reign of Christ: let the Light shine through

REIGN OF CHRIST SUNDAY
November 25, 2018

A sermon for the people of God at
Bethesda United Church of Christ, Bethesda, MD

2 Samuel 23:1-7

It’s good to be back here, and to give Pastor Dee a week off. I truly enjoy worshipping with you. You might not know that I’ve had opportunity to be in worship with Valerie before… but it’s been a while. And it’s lifted my heart. Thanks, Valerie, and choir for your gift of music to us this morning!

If you’ve read my bio, you know that I’m a Buckeye fan transplanted in Maryland. And I’m sorry-not-sorry about the last two wins… I believe there’s some people who are Terrapin fans and some folks from Ann Arbor in your congregation. It’s deep in my Buckeye DNA to go a little crazed when OSU football is on. My family will testify!

Every team, whether they win or lose has a leader. The trainers, players, fans and coaches all look to the head coach. They cast blame on the head coach when things go badly. They allow for occasional flub ups when things are iffy. They celebrate when things go well. Players who make the game look easy are often called “naturals”. But “naturals” actually give hours to conditioning, practice, study and then fine tuning their skills. There is a tremendous price to be a leader, or a “natural” at anything – and it is important for those of us who are in leadership, or who aspire to be the leader in a sport or a corporate office, make sure that we NOT sacrifice who we are and who God made us to be. The temptation to “win at all costs” is huge.

Like the song Natural1 from Imagine Dragons says,
That’s the price you pay
Leave behind your heartache, cast away
Just another product of today
Rather be the hunter than the prey
And you’re standing on the edge, face up ’cause you’re a Natural…

God asks men and women who are called to be leaders in the Kingdom of God to be above that. To be persons of integrity, not opportunists or power mongers.

So let’s take some time to consider what God asks of us as we participate in the work of the Spirit.

Our text this morning is on a week between the season of Pentecost and Advent. A time for us to take a breath, liturgically speaking, and begin to look ahead to the prophets and the Gospel stories proclaiming the birth of Christ and the return of Christ.

Israel’s King: David

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from the Vanderbilt Divinity School Digital Library http://diglib.library.vanderbilt.edu

Our text centers of these words of David, in his last days, speaking from his experience as king over Israel. While David was called “a man after God’s own heart” by the prophet Samuel, we know he was a flawed human being.
• David was attacked by his enemies yet believed in God’s deliverance
• He was driven by his desires yet acknowledged his sins of adultery, murder and enmity within his own house.
• He was humbled by his failures and accepting of God’s judgement
• Despite all this – David was still trusting in God at the end of his life – believing in the “everlasting covenant” – a prophetic arrow in the future of the coming Messiah

David the human being engaged in a practice many have participated in over the years: giving words of blessing and reflection. There is a sense of completion to his reign and his awareness that it all came from God.

There is no self-aggrandizement. There is no legacy-building. There is a profound prophetic word from God through God’s servant David to God’s nation. We know from our study of the text at other times that David’s to-do list was not completed. God did not allow David to be the one to build the Temple. Though his motives were pure, the prophet Nathan told him that God would not allow him to build the Temple. God’s plan was for Solomon, David’s son, to build the Temple.

Humanly speaking, it must have been difficult.

Imagine your “dream job”, your “capstone project” that you have worked your entire life to complete. And just as you begin those final plans, God makes it clear to you, saying, “no, this will be the task of that young intern you’ve been mentoring.” I call these moments “holy no’s.”

I’ve had “holy no’s” in my life. They were almost soul-crushing. I would cry and whine and beg God for a different answer. And if I did not believe in God’s goodness and love for me, they would have led me to despair. It’s only now — looking back on those “no’s” that I can say “thank you.” God’s goodness and kindness shines through.

David’s response is one of faith. He may have asked God “why?” but—  then David  responded in praise and worship. He spent the rest of his rule trying to listen and follow God. Time after time, David failed. Time after time, he was chastised and restored in grace and relationship. David was God’s leader for that time.

What is God’s Leader really like? From our text, we hear God’s leader described as one who “rules in the fear of God.”

God’s Leader: In the fear of God

3b One who rules over people justly,
ruling in the fear of God,
4 is like the light of morning,
like the sun rising on a cloudless morning,
gleaming from the rain on the grassy land.

5a Is not my house like this with God?
For he has made with me an everlasting covenant,
ordered in all things and secure. (2 Samuel 23, NRSV)

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In these lines of poetry, this portrays a leader who is known to be like the God she or he serves: God the just, the strong, the beautiful, the provider, the protector, the unchanging. The words in verse 4 suggest that this is a restorative leader, a shepherd of the sheep who leads them in these luscious, green pastures.

This is a leader who promotes justice for the people. Egypt was well-known in the collective memories of the Jewish people. They remembered life under Pharaoh.

This reminds me that, like many groups within our society, there is a deep-seated memory of racism and violence, of prejudice and anti-semitism. There are classes of people who have experienced inexcusable discrimination. A leader who promotes justice needs a long-term memory of the ways that humanity has failed in exercising power in the past.

A leader who has a heart for God is someone who has deep reverence, worship, and obedience. Again, the memories of the Jewish people would recall stories of what would happen when they were following God’s leaders. In the book of Exodus, the people of God saw the provision of God in manna – but only when they took just enough. They remembered what happened to their enemies. They saw the power of obedience, and the swift and certain judgment of the defiant.

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© 2012 National Science and Media Museum, Flickr | PD | via Wylio

We who live in a democracy, not a monarchy, may enjoy the pomp and circumstance of royal weddings and processions. If we travel to London, we stand in line and wait to watch “the changing of the guard” at Buckinham Palace. But there’s something about  authoritarian leaders that makes us squirm. It can take us out of our comfort zone.
• Because who “deserves” to lead?
• And if God’s leader is in place, what does God’s Kingdom really look like?

Rev. Dr. Karoline Lewis of Luther Seminary in St. Paul writes about “The True Kingdom” on the Working Preacher blog:

The kingdoms of this world bank on sowing suspicion and authorizing autonomy. The kingdoms of this world depend on individualism and everyone for themselves alone. The kingdoms of this world insist that hierarchy will establish successful rule and that a ladder mentality, that keeps people in their proper places, is the mark of achieving and accomplishing leadership.

Not so with the Truth. For Jesus’ Kingdom chooses relationship. Jesus’ Kingdom chooses the perils and predicaments of flesh. Jesus’ Kingdom tells the truth about the Truth — that God so loved the world.

The truth is, we like clear and simple answers, really. We don’t like grey areas. We don’t like it when we think there’s a “fudge factor” that puts one person into a powerful position over another. This is especially true when we do not trust the person in leadership that has the power to pass judgment on us, to tell us when we are off track, not following Christ’s leadership. We don’t like having authority over us who is not trustworthy, who is dictatorial and uncaring.

Christ is not like an earthly ruler, of course. We know this. But in our humanness, we transfer our lack of trust and our skepticism. We forget that in the Reign of Christ, God’s Anointed will rule with justice and equity.

God’s Anointed: Christ Pantocrator

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Christ the Saviour (Pantokrator), a 6th-century encaustic icon from Saint Catherine’s Monastery, Mount Sinai.

Who is God’s Anointed? In Eastern Orthodox and Catholic circles, one of the titles of Jesus is Christ Pantocrator. Two Greek words were put together to paint the word picture of the might, power and strength of Christ over all.

Pantocrator: pantos (“all”) + kratos (“might, strength, power”)
All-Powerful, Almighty, Ruler of All

To the Orthodox in particular, this image and expression of Christ is not unfamiliar. Iconography depicts Christ in this role of Ruler and Judge, of Christ’s humanity and deity. In the Orthodox icons, Christ is a large, centered, seated figure. The other persons or entities are smaller and limited to the corners of the art. Christ is pre-eminent. The face of Christ is the focal point.

Protestants morphed Christ Pantocrator into a more benevolent “Christ in Majesty” with a figure seated on some throne or dais, surrounded by depictions of the four Gospel writers, or saints and archangels. And as the centuries have wound along, the Church has strayed away from this idea of Christ the ruler, Christ the judge. We are more apt to speak of Christ as our Redeemer, or the Good Shepherd. And he is!  I think if you look at the art in church windows in a modern building, you won’t find depictions of Christ as Ruler over all.

Art reflects the culture… what does that say to us? hmmm…

Every time the theme of “The Reign of Christ” is observed in our liturgical calendar, we are faced with a serious question:
Who is Christ to us?
Like the first century Christ followers who faced political pressure, we have to ask ourselves Who is my ruler? Is it Caesar? Is it money? Is it passion? Is it power? Or is it Christ?

The Church is not outside the petty infighting, corruption and scandals that we see in the political realm. The Church has people who want power, who abuse, who bully, and who lie. The Church has people who misuse funds. The Church has people who are racist, ableist, sexist homophobes.

We have to own where we, personally and corporately, fail God and each other. We have to own where we have been polite and silent instead of joining our voices in protest and anger with those who have been disenfranchised. We have to march, pray, speak out and act in ways that demonstrate we know we are part of the problem.

In a few weeks, we will sing carols about the Advent and Birth of the Christ Child. The second verse of Joy to the World by Isaac Watts speaks of this longing for change and for our part in bringing the world closer to the Kingdom of God in our midst:

Joy to the earth! The Savior reigns; let all their songs employ;
While fields and floods, rocks, hills, and plains
Repeat the sounding joy!

Where is the joy in a world of pollution and greed? It can be increasingly hard to see God at work. The clouds of darkness get in the way. I struggle. I question. I get mad (sometimes) that evil seems to be so strong and the Light of God is so weak.

Songwriter and cultural commentator Leonard Cohen said in his work, “Anthem”2 these words:
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.

That’s how I cope. I look for that crack where the light gets in. Maybe it’s engaging in a creative act that lifts my Spirit. Maybe it’s hearing beautiful music. Maybe it’s doing something for someone less fortunate. Maybe, just maybe, I need to, in the words of poet Wendell Berry, I need to “…lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.”

Can we be the Light that breaks through the world’s darkness?
Can we bear Christ’s Light in our actions and our words?

Can we be
…like the light of morning,
…like the sun rising on a cloudless morning, gleaming from the rain on the grassy land.

Can we shine the Light of the Christ into our world?

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An early morning sunrise at the airport.

Please pray with me:

O Christ, Ruler over all, omnipotent and powerful, and lover of our souls, shine through us. Turn our hearts towards the grander purposes of Christ, of the Kingdom of our Lord, who reigns now and forever.
Amen


1 © 2018 KIDinaKORNER/Interscope Records
2 “Anthem” by Leonard Cohen, © 1992, licensed by SME (on behalf of Columbia Records); UBEM, CMRRA, SOLAR Music Rights Management, Sony ATV Publishing, and 9 Music Rights Societies

The night before I preach…

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My robe and (hopefully) the right color stole all ready to go.

…I have a million questions on what I’ve written (is it too long? is it too esoteric? is this what God wants me to say?)

…I realize I either have to do laundry or wear a barrel

…I can only find one of the shoes I want to wear

…I write my “panic list” (DON’T FORGET!!! across the top of a sticky-note)

…I find the right color stole (I think!)

…I spend far too much time on Instagram and Facebook

…I laugh at myself and go to bed.

God’s got this! CHILL!!

Self-care (A review for the stubborn one)

I am learning how badly I am following my own teaching on “self care.” I wrote recently about a bad fall that I had on our patio, which left me bruised and with a swollen and painful knee. While I did follow basic first aid practices (ice, rest, elevation, anti-inflammatories), I did not take any time off from work. I soldiered through the week. I limped around. I dealt with joint pain and referred pain from limping.

I am stubborn.

In addition, there have been some intense situations (unrelated to family and friends) which have also taken a lot of my emotional and spiritual energy. It’s not just the news and following a hurricane, it’s the little nasty micro-aggressions. The insulting emails. All of my usual self care strategies weren’t working and I couldn’t turn “off” my reactions. My coping mechanism of choice was to veg on the couch. Not very productive nor self-restoring.

Fortunately, this week I had a long chat with my spiritual director who reminded me of the song by Rabbi Sofer and Rev. Carolyn McDade: (words found here)

No woman is required to build the world by destroying herself.

At first, it didn’t set well with me. Isn’t that contrary to the expectations of a pastor to serve others? What about Philippians 2 where we are reminded to  “…look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others”? What about Luke 9 where we are exhorted by Jesus, “All who want to come after me must say no to themselves, take up their cross daily, and follow me”?

Balance. It’s about balance!

YES.  I am called to serve sacrificially. Every penny I make is not to be spent on myself. All of my time and talents are not for my own pleasure. But neither are they all to be given away and not meet the needs of those who depend on me. If I deplete myself on other tasks and obligations, and am not aware of my own emotional and physical exhaustion, how can I then look out for others’ interests?

Short answer: I can’t!

No woman is required to build the world by destroying herself.

Time after time, I have encouraged parents of young children to take time to refresh themselves emotionally, spiritually and physically. I have exhorted them to trade off on childcare and household chores, and if one parent is at home, have made the point that the stay-at-home parent is not the other’s personal servant. [Translation: pick up your own dirty clothes, do loads of laundry, wash dishes, take the kids and care for them. Because you both have “evening shift” responsibilities when the “day shift” is done!]

Yet I find myself, an empty nester, worn out and hard-pressed to respond to the things I need to do for my own health. Simple things like creating things with my hands, reading, baking, or enjoying nature. It didn’t help that we’ve had heavy rains all week so I couldn’t really get outside. But I wasn’t cultivating anything on the inside.

No woman is required to build the world by destroying herself.

Why was I stuck in some self-destructive patterns? I asked myself some hard questions, and maybe they will be helpful for you:

  • what am I doing that is not really my responsibility to do?
  • who am I trying to please (besides God?)
  • who is draining my spirits rather than building them back up?
  • where am I spending my time that is not the best use of my God-given gifts?
  • what activities would help renew my love and compassion for others?
  • what excuses am I giving to avoid tasks I need to do?

It’s a process. It’s an ongoing challenge to balance my desire to be God’s person vs pleasing all people. It’s allowing God to work within my brokenness, rather than going to pieces trying to fix it all myself. And it’s recognizing when I am beyond my threshold and need to simply… rest.

Serve God? Serve others?

Absolutely!! But only within the limits of my own brokenness. Let’s repeat that phrase one more time:

No woman is required to build the world by destroying herself.

image: Serve within the limits of your brokenness
image (c) Rev. Deb Vaughn; may use with permission