From Second Hesitations

What do pastors think about when they are working their sore knees in physical therapy? Lots of things. Putting new words to old songs. Coming up with punny playlists (church nerd humor). And laughing at themselves.

“A joyful heart is good medicine” says the Proverb. So it is… so it is.

IMG-5260Therefore, put on the full ice pack of peas so that you may withstand the instability of your medial meniscus. Stand carefully, therefore, with measured steps and unlocked knees. Wear your Buckeye T-shirt to deflect the cheers of That Team Up North.

With the Theraband and foam roller, strengthen your quads and your hamstrings so that you do not fall. (Again.) Put shoes on your feet that may be ugly but they support your arches. And finally, take up the KT tape of support, that you may lessen your joint pain and continue to see recovery.

But forget not the icepack!! For it brings comfort and ease to the knee of your aging self.

2 Hesitations 3: 2 1

Health update: Thanks to the prying eyes of an MRI, the verdict is that I have torn the medial meniscus in my left knee. I am in PT, taking appropriate painkillers, and trying to be good to myself. Humor keeps me from taking things too seriously. It IS a serious injury, but one that, with rehab and a judicious use of PT, is starting to improve.

A Guide to Pentecost Shoes

A recent lament by another RevGal about finding TRULY “Pentecost Red” shoes caused me to peruse a local discount store. One of my PKs was shopping for a special outfit and I had time to kill.

So (with apologies to store security who probably wondered wtf I was doing,) I present my (very tongue-in-cheek)…

A Guide to Pentecost Shoes

1. The Pantsuit-Meets-Ankle-Surgery Flashback

When I see velour, I think bell bottoms and pantsuits. When I see shoes like this, I think my friends who are post-surgery (knees or ankles) would smile. My achy-breaky knees hear your hearts go pitter-pat!

2. Nancy Sinatra would agree: These Boots are made for Praisin’

I’ll confess I don’t see these with my robes or a cassock and surplice… but I know some of my sister clergy would rock the church in their Sunday best suits! DO. IT.

3. Liturgical Dance Shoes

I can walk and chew gum (with practice). A dancer I am not! I think I’d spend most of Sunday morning just trying to tie these on… but you Sister Dancer, you do you! I will rejoice that God gave someone else the gift of gracefulness!

4. Post-Baptistery Quick Change Pumps

For my beloved Baptist clergy sisters, these are fancier than plain pumps and have no buckles or straps! Slip on, zip up and GO! The choir will still be singing the end of the opening hymn, and you’ll be out of your waders, and robed and rocking these beauties! (Please remember to get your pedicure!)

5. Kum-ba-yah Campfire Shoes

So your church takes “Shall We GatherAt the River” seriously and has a camp-out Pentecost weekend? Never fear! Your river-friendly shoes are here!

6. Practically Cute

You know who you are… Four services in heels would kill you and your sanctuary’s A/C is busted. These summer flats will do the trick!

7. Be still, my heart!

They’re cute! They’re not too high a heel! They’re that happy candy apple red that just screams “PENTECOST!” Success!!!

 

Do you have a pair of Pentecost footwear to share? I know you do… So please post a pic in the comments!

 

An Embarrassment of Flip-flops


‘Tis the Season. Of cheese graters and power sanders on the gnarly heels of women everywhere. Of pedicures and fresh nail polish. Of creams and lotions. And of flip-flops and sandals.

I went for a pedicure with The Jobnnie when she was home for spring break in March. We were in between snowstorms so it was only fitting that we allow ourselves a bit of pampering. A pedicure was just the ticket. And I thought we’d just grab flip-flops on our way out the door. Except… I could not find a single pair of flip-flops anywhere. Not a one. Not in my closet. Not in the garage.

How could this be?

Well… When it was snow boot season, we put all the boots in easy reach. And I, being logical, tucked all of the warm weather foot gear into the boot bin.

And we found them ALL today. Right where we left them. Because I was putting winter boots away and…

Sigh…

You know how there’s collective nouns? A murder of crows… a herd of cows… and I’ve decided it must be an embarrassment of flip-flops.

You might be a spammer if…

'Spam wall' photo (c) 2006, freezelight - license: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

I just got around to deleting some spam comments for my blog. I had about a hundred or so, which is a lot. I’m not that big a blogging presence. For some reason, I decided to read them tonight instead of just deleting them. I’m kinda glad I did. It got funnier and funnier…

You might be a spammer if your comments go something like this:

  • “For your self-guidance, are able to go through top
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  • “Hi from United States!” (Um. Your email address says “.de” I don’t believe you.)
  • ” Wenn man bedenkt, dass Adulis einst dieselbe Rolle spielte, wie heute Massaua, in dem auch alle grossen Gebaeude fehlen.” Google translates this as: “If you consider that Adulis once played the same role as now, in which all the big buildings missing.” (It loses something in the translation.)
  • “Excellent Blog! gfkdkkeeecfegfba” (Thank you. fdasfdsaf)
  • “Thanks for sharing your thoughts about facebook. Regards.” (On a post about death and dying.)
  • “Thanks for sharing this interesting free payday loans post.” (messed up your html there a little, huh…)
  • “When I originally commented I clicked the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox now each time a comment is added I am four emails making use of the same comment. Possibly there is any way you’re able to eliminate me from that service? Thanks!” (From someone who runs a payday loans website. Sorry friend. You’re on your own.)
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  • “Excellent blog here! Also your internet website loads up quickly! What host are you utilizing? Can I get your affiliate link to your host? I wish my website loaded up as rapidly as yours lol” (From a PC and tablet sales page.)
  • “Oh my goodness! Amazing article dude!” (I am not a dude. But thanks anyway.)
  • “He knew that it would be days short term loan payday loan which sir Frederic was killed.” (Another linking issue.)
  • “Its like you learn my mind! You seem to know a lot about this, such as you wrote the e book in it or something.” (Wow…)
  • “I appreciate you for posting when you have the opportunity, Guess I will just book mark this site.” (OK.)
  • “each time i used to read smaller content which also clear their motive, and that is also happening with this piece of writing which I am reading at this place.” (No clue. I think it’s a compliment?)
  • “I read this post completely on the topic of the comparison of hottest and previous technologies, it’s amazing article.” (This on an article about Lent.)

And finally, my personal favorite:

“hеllo there and thank you for your information – I’ve definitely picked up nothing new from right here.” (I’m speechless.)

And that, my friends, is why  you have to go through comment approval. I won’t be taking it off any time soon. Sorry. 😉

 

That day I put cat food in her lunch…

I’ve packed lunches for the kids for years. I didn’t mind doing it, and it was cheaper than the swill that passes for “cafeteria food.” I like to think that I provide adequate nutrition, and provide the occasional whimsical surprise. You know — fun things like mixing parmesan and pizza Goldfish crackers. Or brownies. Or cutting their sandwiches into shapes.

I’ve doodled on their lunchbags. Included little love notes. (A word to the wise: they are happier when the notes are SMALL and NOT MUSHY.) I’ve even managed to space out and give them TWO desserts.

But never, ever, in my groggiest, sleep-deprived moments, did I put in something like this:

Honest. Usually I find a better source of protein for my children’s lunches.

Distracted. Decaffeinated (the coffee pot wasn’t done brewing.) Talking, making lunches, AND cleaning off the counter, and that’s what happened. I did not even notice.

Lunchtime, I get a text message: Ummmm??? along with the photo.

I laughed. I blushed. She also thought it was funny (as did her friends) and she brought home the cat snack (untouched, by the way.) And we moved on. But I don’t think I’ll live this one down for a while…