deflated

This is hard.

I am trying to write an essay to the divinity school financial aid committee which explains how I need financial aid, what my goals for ministry are, and why they should “pick me!”

Somehow “Just give me the money!” is not the kind of essay they are looking for, I suspect.

These last few days, there have been all kinds of “holes” poked in my emotional balloon…

…money
…family
…snarky little comments
…interpersonal challenges
…condescending people
…failings and struggles out the wazoo (mine)

I know one does not serve God based on “feelings” but on faith. Yet the process of fighting for my dreams, of resting in my Call (and not defending or justifying it) has me just, well, deflated.

This emotional battle, this spiritual push to persevere is so tiring. And I’m not in “real” ministry yet… It’s just the warm up? Geesh.
Thptptptptptpttpttttt……

Deb

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