This is hard.

I am trying to write an essay to the divinity school financial aid committee which explains how I need financial aid, what my goals for ministry are, and why they should “pick me!”

Somehow “Just give me the money!” is not the kind of essay they are looking for, I suspect.

These last few days, there have been all kinds of “holes” poked in my emotional balloon…

…snarky little comments
…interpersonal challenges
…condescending people
…failings and struggles out the wazoo (mine)

I know one does not serve God based on “feelings” but on faith. Yet the process of fighting for my dreams, of resting in my Call (and not defending or justifying it) has me just, well, deflated.

This emotional battle, this spiritual push to persevere is so tiring. And I’m not in “real” ministry yet… It’s just the warm up? Geesh.


She ain’t what she used to be…


This is my second week in water aerobics. Ohhhhhhhhh… I am tired. My back and knees are telling me I might be one of the youngest people in the class, but I am definitely no spring chicken any more.

The old grey mare she ain’t what she used to be…

There’s dishes undone. And I have a lot of homework. And volunteering at the middle school and then work at the office tomorrow. And doing a midday pickup because of finals at the high school this week. And chauffeuring kids hither and thither after school. And oh yes. People still want laundry done and dinner made and a semblance of order.

It is only week 2 of the semester. And I am feeling whelmed. (not OVERwhelmed, mind you.)

Please PLEASE someone tell me that it is easier when one is not balancing husband and kids and work AND seminary. It doesn’t have to be easy. Just easy-ER.