Deflated

 

The last week has been very VERY emo for me. I admit it.

Coming out of this pothole in the journey has left me drained, and curiously, grateful that I don’t live here any more. At least, not on a regular basis.

A sign, perhaps, of how I am changing or have changed. And a reminder that I have learned enough to choose to live my life with a little more balance!!!

Is everything in my life resolved the way I personally would like it? And have I figured out where the “triggers” are that sent me into this? No and no…

However… I am learning a little in the process…

  • I understand more of the “exhaustion factor” when I am living in a highly emotional, anxious state. Geesh. Takes a whole lot of energy. More than I have to spare. (Or maybe I am getting old??)
  • Who I chose to listen to affects my perception and understanding of the conflict I am in. There are people in my life who are not good for me to hang with and get their viewpoint. Theirs is so messed up that I don’t perceive it. I supposed that should be a big DUH moment. But when I am that moment, I don’t get it. At least not right away. I must — MUST — listen to “The Voice of Truth.”

But the waves are calling out my name
and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I’ve tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
time and time again
“Boy, you’ll never win,
you’ll never win.”

“But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story,
The Voice of Truth says ‘do not be afraid’!
The Voice of Truth says ‘this is for my glory.’
Out of all the voices calling out to me…
I will choose to listen and believe
the Voice of Truth…”
[Casting Crowns]

I have turned my head in a new direction. It is not easy. But it is essential. The kind of negative, anxiety-producing, self-critical mindset I was in was just NOT from God. And it had me in a tailspin!

Yeah. I am in “Remedial Emotional Processing” this week. It’s not all bad. In fact, realizing I need it has been very good for me.

Now the other stuff? The pea-heads who have been throwing rocks at my armor and dissing my Call? I just handed them over to God. I can not worry about them now. There’s too much to do for God’s Sake!

Just mumbling on the journey…
Deb
=====

Edited to add the rest of the words from the chorus of “Voice of Truth” because it seemed important…

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