Love by the bucketful

Blessed be Your name
in the land that is plentiful,
where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

I had to get my office files in order after a deskful of papers fell on the floor this morning. (I suspect there was some feline assistance involved, but I was not present at the time of the crime!) The mess of papers was from preparing our taxes, handling questions for Ken’s estate, and just the regular ol’ bills that need paying on time. It was… impressively awful. Midway through, I was ready to give up. And then I found letters from a bin of old cards, notes, and letters received over the last 2 years. I stopped filing and sorting to look at them. It was just what I needed…

Blessed be Your name
when I’m found in the desert place,
though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be Your name

No, I didn’t keep all the cards. But I re-read them, smiled, and got a little teary-eyed at times. It was clear that though I was feeling overwhelmed with the details yet to be handled (and the PILE of papers yet to be filed,) I was not alone in my struggles; I had so many faithful ones journeying with me. I gave up counting all the names. They were friends from years and years of ministry in Maryland, New Jersey, Florida, and Ohio. They were work buddies (man, we suffered through a LOT!) They were people I only knew by name and perhaps a nod and a smile in the halls at church. They were neighbors and PTA parents. There were strangers who just wanted to send me a note…

Every blessing You pour out
I’ll turn back to praise.
When the darkness closes in,
Lord, still I will say,
“Blessed be the Name of the Lord.”

There were cards full of humor, puns, cats, chocolate, and pictures of ocean sunsets. (It’s like you KNOW me!) And the personal, encouraging notes… well, they did my heart good.

Blessed be Your name
when the sun’s shining down on me,
when the world’s all as it should be
Blessed be Your name.

The cards were sent to me and Ken during the hardest months of our lives together. You were witnesses to what we fought through. You were unceasing in your support through prayers, meals, rides, and companionship. It wasn’t done to earn heavenly brownie points. It was done as a gift of Spirit-led compassion. It was, as JS Bach wrote at the end of his manuscripts, “S.D.G.”, soli deo gloria (only to God alone.)

Blessed be Your name
on the road marked with suffering,
though there’s pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

I don’t have adequate words to share how full my heart is with gratefulness, even in the sadness, even in the anxiety that creeps in here and there. When grief sidelines me I lose the motivation, the energy to rise above it. But I do know that I have felt (am feeling) the Love of God by the bucketful. May I pour it back out… wherever God takes me.

You give and take away.
My heart will choose to say,
“Lord, blessed be Your name.”