It’s late. I should be asleep. Tomorrow (actually, TODAY!) will start at O-dark-ridiculous. And here I am, thinking, pondering, and eating coconut M&Ms. (Which are completely unhealthy. And technically, NOT on my Lenten diet. But I digress.)
My mind wanders. I make lists. I sort socks. (Yes. I really do. Good thing I don’t have insomnia very often.) If the cats dare to come near me, they get “furminated.” And I spend a lot of time chasing Ooh-shineys.
But mostly, I find that I am stuck in a loop of “what-ifs” and “why-nots.” None of which have answers. And all of the issues I’m sorting through are important. A 16 year old with bone cancer… a patient waiting on an organ donor, knowing that a chance for life will come from someone else’s death… questions and problems that are not mine to solve, but I chew through them anyway.
I get that cup of “sleepytime” tea which isn’t working. I try hot milk. I change to warmer/colder/longer/shorter pj’s. I listen to meditative music. I consider getting out the dust rag… but really. Let’s get real! THAT ain’t happening. 🙂
Some people wrestle with the demons of their souls… or fight other people’s dragons. For some reason, when I can’t sleep, I’m singing Billy Joel.