Over the years, I have watched family members stay married (and faithful) to spouses with debilitating illnesses. A grandfather with Parkinson’s and severe dementia… my dad with cancer… a brother-in-law with Lou Gehrig’s disease (ALS). In each situation, the heartbreaking work of caring for and encouraging and worrying about their ill spouse took its toll on the wife. But never did I hear the words that suggested giving up. Or divorcing them and putting them in custodial care somewhere.

The commitments my family has shown to their life partners was because they took their marriage vows seriously… “in sickness and in health, till death us do part…”

So when a news bulletin came through this morning, I figured that the headline HAD to be wrong. Did Pat Robertson REALLY say that it was OK to divorce a spouse with Alzheimer’s?

Here’s the clip from the 700 Club website (the first time in years, I might add, that I have watched any of this show…)

The person may be “gone” but the commitment is not. The loss of companionship is difficult. But the promise to love one another “as Christ loves the Church” means a sacrificial, honoring, giving love. While I understand the question (i.e. “what do I say to my friend?”) I don’t see that it would be compassionate or a response of integrity to suggest that divorce in this situation is OK. Since I have not been in this situation, it is easy to cast stones. And as I pondered about the dilemma, another story came to mind…

Contrast Robertson’s response with that of Dr. Robert McQuilken concerning his wife, Muriel…

I can’t imagine the pain. I have not lived in that zip code. But as a pastor and chaplain, I would do everything in my power to support someone struggling with this situation, encourage and provide a safety network for them, (even meals or help cover respite care), rather than suggest that they can divorce a severely ill spouse. And may God give me the grace and strength I need to live out my commitments to my family and friends.