Recently I was serving on a teen retreat weekend. It was fun, exhausting, challenging and encouraging, all at the same time. I love what God is doing in the Church!

One meal I had an extended conversation with a teen who was struggling with the cultural trappings of being considered “beautiful.” (She was, by the way, physically very pretty.) She was hurt because one of her “besties” was hardly ever asked out on dates. Her friend was not considered “all that pretty” (why, I don’t know for certain) and it bothered her. “Why are we so stuck on our outsides?” she asked me.

We kicked around the concept of “beauty” for a while, and how not even the Church can seem to get it right. Soloists for “special music” are pretty or handsome. The leads in church musicals are physically attractive. Even those who are published are air-brushed pretty.

She told me that when she was angry when she learned that a woman from her church (a youth chaperone) was going to be “auctioned” off as a “hot date” to raise money for an orphanage. (To be fair, men were being auctioned off, too.) She compared the auction to a “meat market for Christian singles” and said that she hated it. I suggested the auction might be “all in fun” but with the directness of a youth she said, “where’s the fun if only the beautiful people get auctioned? And what about people who aren’t hetero?”

Ouch. Good questions. Very good questions.

We talked about some of the cultural games and messages that come out in media. How being thin is still in. How there is a stereotype against those who are overweight, or who have a lot of acne, or are not physically attractive. How she sees anorexia and bulimia among girls she knows. And how there seems to be an inability to really allow men and women to accept themselves as they are.

She’s right. We all must be cut and blow-dryed, lotioned and sprayed, deodorized and powdered. If one’s hair is curly, it must be straightened. If it’s straight, we use a curling iron. If it’s thin we plump it up, if it’s thick, we ‘tame’ it. If we want to be “cool” we get tatts or piercings. If we want to be noticed, we show some skin (or cleavage). The focus is on the shell of the human body we inhabit…

We discussed more than resolved our issues. But her passion and her disquiet with the whole issue stuck with me all week. I’d laugh it off (being someone who is on the ‘down’ side of the beauty trends) except that the current line-up of fall shows doesn’t exactly make me comfortable.

For instance, there have been a lot of promos for “Pan Am.” Which is billed thusly on the ABC website:

“Passion, jealousy and espionage… They do it all – and they do it at 30,000 feet. The style of the 1960s, the energy and excitement of the Jet Age and a drama full of sexy entanglements deliciously mesh in this thrilling and highly-original new series.”

OK, I suppose I should watch a couple of episodes before I judge, but as a child of the 60s and 70s, where women were expected to be a nurse, a teacher, a “stewardess” or a nun (if they weren’t mothers) I confess I threw up a little in my mouth. It brought back memories of the “memoirs” of two stewardesses in Coffee, Tea or Me? where in a world of pre-AIDS and pre-terrorism, you could take an airplane ride and not have to take off your shoes.

My least favorite line? “Now there’s natural selection at work!” (by an ogling man as a group of stewardesses walks in lockstep towards the plane.) I don’t understand how an era of sexism can be glamorized like this… but ABC sure is trying. I know that part of my frustration is that a show would be produced and promoted with this theme in 2011. Yeah, I know, “sex sells.” But I am tired of seeing stereotypes perpetuated like this one.

The flight attendants I have met are hard-working, have long hours and ridiculous regulations to explain, enforce and endure. They are held captive by the profit-squeezing tactics of their airlines. They deal with separation from family, friends, and a normal work schedule. While they like the benefits of cheap travel, they don’t like being away from home. How in an age of terrorism they have to deal with rules about “congregating around bathrooms.” (Note to the airlines: If you are going to cram 132 people into the “Economy” seats for a 5 hour plane ride, and then fill them with free sodas, don’t you think you might need more than 2 toilets?)

But I digress…

Somehow, I don’t think they are in it for the uniforms, which on the TV show at least are form-fitting and leave little room for the imagination.

So in 40-odd years, we haven’t gotten very far. We’re still stuck on the externals.

God help us.