I’m in the midst of writing my self-evaluation for my current unit of CPE. I know that it is only a “mid” unit but I feel as though I am a long way from making progress in the areas where I want to improve. I have set myself some stretching, but reachable, goals for this unit. But they don’t seem that reachable now. This has me in a funk.

Do I need to do write this evaluation? Yup. Do I love the issues it raises and the self-reflection that is required? Not so much.

The fact that I am sick of not having a kitchen, that my allergies are killing me (I have a constant sinus headache), that I face a long roto-rooter session with the dentist tomorrow, that I am incredibly short on sleep from the weekend… of course none of these things have any bearing on my state of mind.

Oh no. Not at all.

I don’t feel very gracious. I don’t want to deal with the “stuff” that will come up in conversation over our mid-units. I want to dis-engage right now.

But reading tonight in Mark 10, I was reminded that it isn’t a matter of what seems fair, or what my expectations are at work. {sigh} I am called to serve, not to be served. To simply deal with the reality that things are what they are. To accept that hospital politics suck. And to continue to care for the people who cross my path… wherever that may be.

Carrying on – in God’s strength, in God’s time, one day at a time.

⁴²Jesus called them together and said, “You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. ⁴³Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, ⁴⁴and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. ⁴⁵For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” [Mark 10]