An exercise in futility?

There are times that I really and truly wonder why. Why bother? Why pursue? Why spend hours? …days …years. Why give up the rest of my life??

Why? It’s only in pursuit of human hearts that are sometimes so cold, sometimes so incredibly angry and closed. And sometimes, so bruised and broken.

Because I remember.

I remember pain. Hurt. Loneliness. Worry. Disillusionment. Frustration. Anger. Confusion. Fear.

Someone took the time to look back and see me. To see the question marks dancing over my head. To see that at the deepest level, the things I wanted to know had a simple answer: GOD. Jesus. Life in the Spirit.

Someone who told me there was something new worth trying (because they could see that what I was trying at the moment was painfully, obviously NOT working!)

Yes, I know that sounds trite.
I am confident that someone would read that and give me the big “Whatev.”

It’s why I truck on. Hip deep in work, in papers, in family. Wading through the theological and political land mines of a woman Called by God. Broadsided by the well-meaning but clueless observer. Stuck in the muck of life with people who know they are only in it too deep and need someone to look back and see them, and offer a hand. Or a prayer. Or a listening ear. And occasionally, all three.

It might seem like an exercise in futility. But then, when you’re the one who has been unstuck… it surely isn’t.

Time to pull on my waders and get back to slogging through the muck…


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