God has a way of stripping me down to nothing…
– no pretenses
– no roles or responsibilities to hide behind
– no assignments or activities to do
– no people to see or mail to answer
Like bare tree branches in the winter sky, He shows me who I am, and what I need more than anything… And it’s not covering my tracks or sticking fake leaves on a tree. It’s sitting and looking intently at the shape and structure, the weakness and potential flaws of how I am made. It’s learning to be the “tree” that I am.
I find I am restless… I hunger for more.
More of what? Good question.
It’s not that I want more activity. It’s easy enough to do things. I can FIND a hobby. This longing, I think, is for a purpose, of focused intent and involvement. I don’t know what kind of church I will work in… though I know where I would like to be. I don’t even know if anyone will hire a mom-turned-seminarian with as many miles as I have behind me…
Right now I feel I’m benched watching other people practicing a blocking drill.
I want to be what God has made me to be…