Advent musing: waiting, longing, wondering…

God has a way of stripping me down to nothing…

– no pretenses
– no roles or responsibilities to hide behind
– no assignments or activities to do
– no people to see or mail to answer

Like bare tree branches in the winter sky, He shows me who I am, and what I need more than anything… And it’s not covering my tracks or sticking fake leaves on a tree. It’s sitting and looking intently at the shape and structure, the weakness and potential flaws of how I am made. It’s learning to be the “tree” that I am.

I find I am restless… I hunger for more.

More of what? Good question.

It’s not that I want more activity. It’s easy enough to do things. I can FIND a hobby. This longing, I think, is for a purpose, of focused intent and involvement. I don’t know what kind of church I will work in… though I know where I would like to be. I don’t even know if anyone will hire a mom-turned-seminarian with as many miles as I have behind me…

Right now I feel I’m benched watching other people practicing a blocking drill.

I want to be what God has made me to be…

I’ve got roots growing down to the water,
I’ve got leaves growing up to the sunshine,
and the fruit that I bear is a sign of the life in me.
I am shade from the hot summer sundown.
I am nests for the birds of the heavens.
I’m becoming what the Lord of trees has meant me to be:
A strong young tree.
(c) Ken Medema

So right now…
The leaves are falling off and need raking.
And there’s some really ugly pruning going on.
And it hurts.But by and by…
I pray it will all be worth it…


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