Chaplain Tortoise

turtleplanking
From an unknown artist, speaking my truth.

There is progress. Slow and steady. Chaplain Tortoise,  here, is almost ready to go back to work on Tuesday!

Almost 2 weeks out from surgery, I’m feeling encouraged. (I’ll spare you a picture of my knee, minus the sutures.) The swelling is going down and I’m able to do simple things like stand up and sit down without pain. I can navigate steps (going up is easier than going down) but still find it difficult to do things like pick up a bag of groceries from the floor, or squat. (I probably could squat, but someone would have to rescue me.)

Now, as my surgeon says, I have a “better” knee, but I do not have a “healthy” knee. It will take some babying and strict rehab to get closer to normal functioning. And, though I hate to say it, I will have to start going to the gym regularly. My whole body will benefit (and I know this), but I’m just not someone who enjoys working out. And most of my friends are readers and knitters, not joggers and weight-lifters.

One of the realities I am facing, though, is that to get back to my personal “best” it will take some work. So I decided to check out the local gyms and fitness clubs, just to get a jump start on where I will end up after PT.

It was… interesting.

There was one that smelled like every high school gymnasium you’ve ever been in, minus the pull-out bleachers and whistles. Yeah… no.

There was one that appeared to have delusions of grandeur, with hardwood floors and a “eucalyptus” steam room. (Why? I don’t know). And a “day spa” where I could get a bikini wax and a facial after I work out. (Um. No.)

There was one that had row after row after row of treadmills and row machines, and not much else. Also no one on the floor who could teach a newbie how to use these things. My comment to the salesperson: “Look. I got this knee injury from walking. On a flat surface. I need a little more than a smile and wave.”

There was one that had pushy sales staff and warned me that “the price will go up if you don’t sign today.” (My response? “Oh well. Your loss.”)

Then there was the guy who schmoozed so much, I thought we would be meeting up with our spouses for a drink this weekend. Dude. I’m just looking for a place to work out. Your son is not marrying my daughter! (Creepy.)

And… my last stop, when I was almost ready to say fuggedaboudit, my search yielded a place with fairly normal people. People who get that I am not interested in being anything other than a better version of my best self. I think I’ll probably end up there. We’ll see.

I’m operating at a lower speed than normal, which has been frustrating. However, listening to my body has been key. (My knee definitely YELLS at me when I try to do too much!) Stepping back into mindfulness practices, I remembered that knowing and caring for myself is the best way to walk into a healthier me.

So for now, I’m Chaplain Tortoise… taking those baby steps towards healing. Slow and steady wins the race.

On the Theraband-wagon

I have never been one to do a scheduled, planned exercise routine. Oh, I played team sports (ahem… not well!), biked, and ran laps (or stadium steps) for conditioning. I was a decent swimmer and worked as a lifeguard for a couple of summers. Before band tryouts, I jogged and practiced marching. I was never religious about it, though. (heh heh)

The closest I can claim to having an exercise “plan” was the morning walks with other moms once the kids were on the bus, a stint of doing Tai Chi (not my cuppa), and deep water running (hard to schedule when you work full-time.) I enjoyed a casual hike now and then, mostly when we went camping.

But now. Since I did my kerSPLAT on our patio, I’m an old fart with a knee brace. I’m loving my ice pack and my comfy shoes.

IMG-5326I’m motivated to avoid any surgery as long as possible, so I am trying hard to be consistent in my exercises. Quads, hamstrings, and glutes. Stretches. Clamshells. Clocksteps. A Sexxaayyy new knee brace. And my new friend, the Theraband.

It’s all about muscle tone. Or a lack of it. I’ll never be a body builder or swimsuit model, but I’m determined to get a little more strength in my legs, and eventually my core. I’m learning the smart way to do things (like go up and down the steps with a bum knee). And I’m learning what I shouldn’t do, as well.

JaniceWhen I’m doing my stretches, there’s lots of time to reflect. Let’s face it: unless you’re listening to music or chatting with a friend, you have time to think while you count your sets of 10. Unlike Janice, (“cycling is my passion”), I’m not scrolling through social media or on the phone. Other than focusing on body mechanics and which muscle group is supposed to be worked, my brain has space to work. Yes, occasionally, I’m making a grocery list in my head or thinking about my appointments for the day. And being a pastor, I also ponder the spiritual disciplines that I so easily let slide.

It’s gotten me back to listening to Pray-as-you-go and restoring a little breathing space into my day. Do I bounce out of bed, unroll my mat and start my exercises? (OK, you DO know me, right? You know I’m a “coffee before you talk to me” person!)

No, I’m trying to put in a little quality time with my Theraband so that I make progress. Eating right. Exercises. Stretching. Taking my meds on schedule. One minuscule step at a time…