Waiting… and growling like a bear…

My beloved and I do a lot of waiting these days. It’s nothing new, really, Waiting has been a part of our lives. It just never loomed so large as it does now…

Think about it…

As kids, we spent all summer waiting to find out who our teachers will be next year.
In musical theatre, we were waiting to hear about audition results.
Now it’s mundane things like waiting for traffic lights.
– Waiting in line on the Beltway.
– Waiting for the holidays.
– Waiting for family to arrive.
– Waiting your turn in a queue.
– Waiting for the new movie showing.
– Waiting for that phone call or text.
And for us, it’s medical stuff like waiting for test results.
– Waiting for a blood draw.
– Waiting for scans and doctors’ appointments.

So much waiting.

In this waiting, at times, there is silence. The unanswered questions are more honest than the attempts to fill the void with words. Silence is frequently needed, yet often more scary than words.

In this waiting, at times, it is just cacophony. The number of options, the data, the test results, the information, the research, the unsolicited advice… they pile one on top of the other, so much so that the path forward is shrouded in uncertainty.

I wish I could tell you there’s a five-step plan for finding inner peace in times of waiting and wondering (and worrying). But that would not be fair, nor accurate. There’s something that I have found to be helpful – being honest, brutally honest, with how I am feeling. I am learning to acknowledge that the in-betweens are wearying and frustrating.

It’s just saying simply: THIS IS HARD.
And letting it sit there. Twisting. Sad. Silent. Questioning. Honest.

When I read my Bible, I find a lot of verses about waiting. Sometimes the verses are from a time of upheaval and suffering in the history of God’s people. These verses reflect our doubts and fears. Sometimes the words are illuminating a deep, deep faith. They rise above painful circumstances with joy and resilience. It is the experience of our common humanity, centuries apart, that causes me to stop and ponder…

Here’s some of my favorite passage of late…

Psalm 25:5 Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all day long.

Psalm 130:5-6 My soul waits for the Lord more than those who watch for the morning, more than those who watch for the morning. I wait for the Lord; my soul waits,and in his word I hope.

Isaiah 59:11 We all growl like bears; like doves we moan mournfully. We wait for justice, but there is none; for salvation, but it is far from us.

Isaiah 64: 3-4 When you did awesome deeds that we did not expect, you came down; the mountains quaked at your presence. From ages past no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who works for those who wait for him.

Romans 8:24-25 Now hope that is seen is not hope, for who hopes for what one already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

Seeking a space for gratitude, hope, and rest; learning silence and patience. These are a part of our shared human existence… I’m learning to do this as I wait. Though some times I do growl like a bear… (Please don’t agree with me too quickly!)

I recently heard Amanda Cook’s song “While We Wait”. I found myself nodding thoughtfully as I listened. It rings true with my experience. It is comforting to know that while I face hard days ahead, I know with a deep, unshakeable certainty that the Holy One walks them with me. And waits with me…

If you are in waiting mode, I invite you to listen to Amanda’s song. The lyric video is here… and I copied the text below. May you feel that sense of Deep Peace that the Spirit gives… and be honest when the “bear-growling moments” are there as well. God can take it.

I was holding on with all my might
Just praying for a ray of light
Someone to hold me through the night
When I thought that I had lost my mind
When I was all alone and it got too quiet
You never let me go, never left my side

‘Cause You’re with us while we wait
You’re with us while we wait
While we hope for better days
You’re with us while we wait

There’s a peace for our anxiety
A comfort for our suffering
And a healing we have yet to see

But You’re with us while we wait
You’re with us while we wait
While we hope for better days
You’re with us while we wait

You’re here in the center of all hopelessness
When little of our faith is left
You’re lifting up our weary heads
You’re here in the tension of the life that was
The here and now, the yet to come
And through it all Your promise stands

That You’re with us while we wait
You’re with us while we wait
While we hope for better days
You’re with us while we wait

Songwriters: Jason Ingram / Amanda Cook / Chris Davenport