I never liked the story of Judas. It hit too close to home. Judas was a man of expediency, practicality and decisiveness. Judas was someone who did not want to jump through hoops when they could be avoided. Judas was passionate, deliberate, and convinced he was in the right.

In short, I am a lot like Judas.

A million different times a year, I sell out God for something I would rather do. I keep silent when I know I should speak up in disagreement. I stand by as a person loved by the Almighty is bruised, abused and battered.

Sometimes it is out of fear. And sometimes? it is embarrassment.

Fear that I would be the next one hounded and hunted down and humiliated. Embarrassed that I did not always make the right choices throughout my life, and wonder that I have any right to stand up against someone’s accuser. I know who my Accuser is – and it is not God! These days – the final days of Holy Week – are for reflection, for peace, for comfort, for confession and for wrestling with the “Judas” part of me that rises up to condemn.

During Holy Week, especially on Maundy Thursday, I squirm a little. I feel a little too much like Judas.

But… Sunday’s coming! And I will be reminded again that I am dearly, completely, utterly loved. I will hold the evidence of God’s love for me in my hands as I have Communion. I will stand beloved, forgiven, cleansed and fit for God’s use.

I will remember and celebrate. Sunday.

I will remember my sin that nailed God to the cross. Today.